Plan Your Special Bar Mitzvah Experience

So, you’re planning your son’s Barmitzvah

Congratulations! This very special time requires a lot of careful consideration and planning for the Barmitzvah boy and parents alike. A Bar Mitzvah at the Gardens Shul is a personalized journey of warmth, love, learning, and spiritual upliftment. The Rabbi’s Fathers & Sons Bar Mitzvah course adds an extra layer of meaning to the journey. We are here to answer any of your questions and assist wherever possible.

Once the Bar Mitzvah forms have been submitted, we will set up a meeting with the Rabbi and the Bar Mitzvah family to craft an unforgettable journey.

For peace of mind and ease of planning please find some basic information and Shul T’s and C’s below.

NON MEMBERS

This form must be accompanied by certification of the mother’s Orthodox Judaism by way of marriage/divorce or a Shul membership form. Please speak to the Rabbi should you not have any of these documents.

Non-members are encouraged to join the Shul as members – belonging to a Shul/community is an important part of developing a strong Jewish identity for our children, particularly at this special time in their lives.

There is a Bar Mitzvah fee for non members. Please contact the Shul office for details.

RECEPTION

Please be aware that according to the ruling of the Beth Din of the Union of Orthodox Synagogues, and in the spirit of the Bar Mitzvah experience, the catering of a Bar Mitzvah reception/ party/ disco, regardless of venue, must be done by a Beth Din recognized caterer. If the party is held on a Saturday night it needs to commence after the conclusion of Shabbat.

A copy of the Bar Mitzvah invitation must be submitted to the Shul office at least four weeks prior to the function with confirmation of the caterer. If there is a separate invitation for the disco/party this has to be submitted as well. It can be emailed to admin@gardensshul.co.za .

If the Friday night dinner is not held at home it must be catered by a Beth Din recognized caterer.
Please keep in mind that there are certain periods in the Jewish calendar during which music may not be played.
Please consult the Rabbi should you have any questions in this regard.

APPROPRIATE CONDUCT

Please be aware that our Shul is a sacred place and that casual or immodest clothes are inappropriate for the services. The Bar Mitzvah boy should ideally wear a jacket at the very least, a buttoned-down collared shirt, smart trousers and leather shoes. The family of the Bar Mitzvah should also endeavour to dress in a way befitting the sanctity of the Shul and should advise their guests to do likewise.

A Shabbat Bar Mitzvah is a technology-free zone. As per the laws of Shabbat, cell phones and other technological devices are not permitted in the Shul precinct on Shabbat. There are ample opportunities for photos and videos, for example at the weekday Bar Mitzvah Tefillin service.

TALLIS AND TEFFILIN

Two of the most meaningful items you can give to your son for his bar mitzvah are tallis and teffilin. Unfortunately there are many unscrupulous people worldwide who sell invalid talleisim and teffilin and claim that they are kosher. There are many complicated and intricate details governing the production of these items so that they comply with Jewish Law. All boys are required to buy teffilin and talleisim; using hand-me-downs is unacceptable unless they have been checked by a sofer (scribe) approved by the Rabbi of the shul. Should you require assistance (financial or otherwise) to purchase a set of quality teffilin or a tallis, please speak to the Rabbi who will be most happy to point you in the right direction.

FIRST ALIYAH

Your son will have the opportunity to wear the Tefillin and be called to the Torah on the first Monday or Thursday morning service after his 13th Hebrew birthday. Friends and family are welcome to attend and photographs may be taken. If so desired, the family may sponsor a breakfast following the service. This is an opportunity for your son to get a feel for the “big day” in a relaxed setting. Please speak to the Rabbi to determine which day is best for the first aliyah.

HEBREW

Unless otherwise discussed with the Rabbi the Bar Mitzvah boy is expected to read his Maftir and Haftorah in Hebrew

EXTRA PARTICIPATION

In most cases the Bar Mitzvah will read the Maftir and Haftorah and recite the Kiddush during the Friday night service. Should you wish for your son to participate more fully in the service please consult with the Rabbi before discussing the issue with the Bar Mitzvah teacher to ascertain what can be added.

We encourage the boys to share a short reflection and lesson from their portion before the Rabbi’s sermon. The Bar Mitzvah teacher can help in this regard. Some Bar Mitzvah boys also lead a part of the Thursday morning service before the Bar Mitzvah.

Please speak to the Rabbi should you wish your son to do so.

ATTENDANCE AT SHUL

Please note that your son is expected to attend:

Friday night services for at least two months prior to his Bar Mitzvah.
Shabbat morning services at least one month prior to the Bar Mitzvah to familiarise himself with the service.
For at least four weeks prior to the Bar Mitzvah your son is required to attend the Thursday morning shacharit

service at Shul in order to learn and become adept at putting on tallis and teffilin. Herzlia School has assured us that they will not penalise boys who come a bit late after attending Shul. The service commences at 7am and is usually finished by 8am. It is desirable for dads to attend together with their sons so as to set a positive example.

ALIYOT

Our Shul is, thank G-d, blessed with many simchos throughout the year. It is therefore possible that you will share your Bar Mitzvah service with other celebrants. We consequently ask you to forward to us at your earliest convenience a list of men whom you would like to receive aliyot so that we can determine how many places are available. This should be done in liaison with the President/Vice President and the Rabbi and finalised at least two weeks before the actual Bar Mitzvah.

It is customary to pledge a contribution to the Shul in merit of the Aliyah. Should you wish your honorees not to be asked for a contribution you have the option to ‘buy the Bimah’ on their behalf. The amount is left up to your discretion and can range anywhere from R1800 – R18 000+.

BROCHA

The Shul Brocha following the service can either be catered ‘in-house’ or by an outside caterer e.g. Café Riteve who are situated on the Shul campus. When sponsoring the Brocha please bear in mind that it includes the Shul regulars. Please contact the Shul office at 021 465 1405 should you wish the Shul to cater for the Brocha. Please note that the Shul is not in the catering business and while it provides a lovely spread it works off a standard menu. Should you require financial assistance with the Brocha or any other aspect of the Bar Mitzvah, please speak to the President/Vice President who will be happy to assist you confidentially. All discussions regarding the Brocha and payment therefor, must be made at least two weeks prior to the actual Brocha. This is to facilitate the purchasing of the food by our in-house caterer timeously.

SWEETS

Sweets for throwing at the Bar Mitzvah boy after he has completed the Maftir and has been blessed by the Rabbi will be provided by the Shul. The family of the Bar Mitzvah will not be permitted to use any sweets they have brought to the Shul on Shabbat. This is a contravention of the laws of Shabbat and, furthermore, we have had embarrassing incidents in the past when families have brought non-kosher sweets.

FLOWERS AND DÉCOR

If you supply flowers and décor for the tables please note that it may not be removed from the Shul until after Shabbat. This includes leftover food from the Brocha

CELLPHONES & CAMERAS

Please advise your guests that cell phones and cameras are not allowed to be used on Shabbat and therefore should not be used in Shul or on the Shul campus at any time throughout Shabbat. Not everybody is familiar with the laws and advising them can avoid unnecessary embarrassment.